Ilya Lagutenko watched the news.
"Same old stuff, everywhere's peaceful as usual," he thought, as he reached for his remote and changed the channel.
Sitting next to him, typing at his computer as always, was Yuri Tsaler, one of Russia's most proficient hackers. A few years ago, the KGB had even asked Yuri to work for them as a computer hacker, but he declined, stating that his work with the band was more important.
--Tap tap tap--
--Tap tap tap--
"Yuri, do you have to type so damn loud? Seriously, I can hear you from over here," said Sdwig, from the other side of the room.
"Man, I'm doing important stuff," Yuri said while typing, "Hacking and stuff, you know. I may even hack into the Pentagon."
"Yuri, the Pentagon doesn't exist anymore, remember?" Ilya said.
"Oh... yeah, I forgot man."
"You know, it could have been us who saved the Americans if you had just entered that damn contest 10 years later," Oleg said.
"Well how the hell was I supposed to know all this would happen?" Ilya snapped, and then the room was silent.
"I'll hack into the Kremlin instead." Yuri said finally.
"Can you just not hack into things?" Ilya said, "Seriously, I remember when the British police came over here because you'd hacked into Buckingham Palace."
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot I did that, man, that was a good one. I remember all those people running when I turned the sprinklers on- haha!"
"That was the Queen's tea party!" Ilya said, "It was all over the news and everything. And we're all banned from going to Britain now!"
"Correction man, we're banned from going on tour in Britain, besides, I can hack into them from right here, banning us changes nothing."
--Tap tap tap--
"Ok, I'm in the Kremlin files now,"
"What the hell Yuri!" Ilya jumped up, "You're going to get us in trouble with the police again! Get off that!"
"Holy hell Yuri get out of the Kremlin!" Sdwig shouted.
And so Ilya got up and pulled the plug from Yuri's computer.
"Dude what the hell man!" Yuri shouted, as the computer shut off, "I was in the secret files and everything!"
"We don't want you to go into the Kremlin's secret files!" Ilya shouted, "Besides, this is my house, and my computer. If I don't want you to hack into the Kremlin from my computer, then you bloody well won't!"
"Maybe we should just all calm down..." Oleg said.
"Nah man," Yuri said, "I was trying to be calm but there is no calm in this house."
And so Yuri pulled out a laptop.
"Man I'm going to hack into the Kremlin anyway," he said, switching it on.
"And who's internet are you going to connect that thing to, hmmm?" Ilya asked, "Mine, I presume. No Yuri, you're not using my Wi-Fi to hack into the Kremlin."
"Relax man, I already connected it to some neighbour who didn't set a password to their internet connection. No one can trace this back to me."
"What about the neighbour?" Oleg asked, but Yuri ignored him and continued typing.
"Yuri, Oleg asked about the neighbour," Sdwig said.
"Dude man, can't you see I'm trying to hack!" Yuri scrolled through sensitive government documents with ease.
"Why do this Yuri," Oleg said, "I don't see the point."
"It's the challenge, man, I like the challenge. You know what I mean?"
"No," Ilya said, "No we bloody well don't. It's pointless and you're going to get us into trouble with-"
"Oh god, who could that be," Ilya said, going up to get the door.
"Hello there," said a voice as Ilya opened the door. It was Vladimir Putin.
"Now then," Putin said as he went into the house, "A few minutes ago, we detected someone hacking into the Kremlin. And since I was in the area I decided to check up on it."
"Holy hell, it's Putin!" Sdwig shouted.
"Indeed," Putin said, "We detected the internet signal coming from a building nearby here."
"Go and bug them, then," Yuri said, still tapping on his computer.
"That building was a nunnery," Putin continued, "Now stop hacking into the Kremlin and using the nun's internet connection, Yuri."
Yuri looked up.
"How did you know it was me, man?" Yuri said.
"Of course it was you, there's only one other man in Russia who can even come close to your hacking skills," Putin said.
"Really? Who's that then?" Yuri asked.
"Me, of course," Putin smiled, "But now, onto the more serious business. Stop hacking into our stuff, seriously. This is getting quite annoying now. And you know the British government is still annoyed with you after the whole tea party thing."
"No one's ever going to let us forget that, are they?" Ilya asked.
"No I don't believe they will," Putin said, "But seriously Yuri, stop all this."
"Ok man," Yuri sighed, switching off his laptop.
"There, you see, that wasn't so hard," Putin said.
"Hey Vladimir," a voice shouted from outside, "What's taking so long? You can't keep the President waiting!"
"One second Dmitri," Putin shouted through the window, "Ok you guys, one last chance, really, I don't know why I keep giving you guys chances..."
"Because we're the most popular band in Russia?" Ilya asked.
"Probably yes, that is the reason," Putin smiled, "But no more hacking into the Kremlin, no more."
"You have my word, man," Yuri said.
"Excellent," Putin said as he went outside to Dmitri.
"So, they won't be hacking into our stuff anymore?" Dmitri asked.
"No, no, I believe they won't," Putin said, "I've took all the IP addresses from Vladivostok and banned them from every major government system in the world."
"I know, I know," said Putin, as they both got into a car and drove off.
Meanwhile, back in the house, Yuri had switched his laptop back on and was tapping away yet again.
"Hey Yuri," Oleg said, "Didn't you hear what he said? No more hacking."
"Holy hell he's not at it again is he?" Sdwig asked, "Stop it Yuri!"
And Yuri went to the website for the Kremlin... but...
"Website blocked," the laptop replied in a robotic monotone.
"Hey, he's blocked me from the Kremlin!" Yuri said, "Well, I guess that ends that. It was a fun ride though, man, while it lasted."
"Thank god for that," Ilya said, "Now you'll never be able to hack into the Kremlin ever again, well, at least not from my house anyway."
"And if I hack into something from somewhere else, what then, man?" Yuri asked.
"Well then it's not my problem, of course," Ilya smiled, and they all laughed.