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The Royal Wedding Crashers


It was a day before the royal wedding, but you wouldn't know it by looking onto the streets of Britain. Ever since Terry Wogan had became the dictator of Britain, popularity for the monarchy had fallen dramatically, and there was a general distain towards the royals felt in the British public. The public had also managed to become fixated on the Eurovision Song Contest, leading to some people calling British society 'Eurovision society'. Programs on the Eurovision were broadcast all day every day on the new channel Eurovision TV, which soon got the highest television ratings, far more than any other channel. Other British channels would too broadcast programs on the Eurovision, which the public loved. In fact, all 43 songs from Europe's favourite TV show had charted in the British charts. But there was another event coming up. The royal wedding. The royal wedding annoyed the public, as it would be broadcast instead of more important things, like the Eurovision.
Meanwhile, in Buckingham Palace, Prince William and Kate Middleton were annoyed with the public's attitude to their wedding.
"This is insufferable!" Prince William yelled, "Those peasants would rather watch the Eurovision Song Contest than our wedding? We are royalty! The people involved in Eurovision are mere peasants! They are far lower than us! And if the peasants of Britain would rather watch Eurovision than pay tribute to us at our wedding... then we will cancel Eurovision... indefinitely!"
"Yes," Kate laughed, "Eurovision? Bah... we will end that insolent contest! Ahahaha!"
Meanwhile, outside of Buckingham Palace, Terry Wogan and Blue were standing with a crowd of people who were waiting outside. Terry had left Winston in charge of paperwork for today, so he could go out with Blue and bring this royal wedding nonsense to a close. Terry was holding a speaker which was broadcasting Will and Kate's conversation to everyone. Terry had hidden mini microphones all over the palace, to capture what the royals were saying. The public were shocked that the royals could openly bash something that Britain loved so much. News crews were also there, so that the television watching public could watch as the royal family spoke ill of the Eurovision.
Blue were all shocked that the royal family could say such things about the contest that they would soon be participating in.
"How disgusting," Antony Costa said, "How dare they speak ill of a contest that we all hold so close to us!"
"Yes, it is quite horrible," Terry said, "They are jealous of the great talents of Eurovision! What talents do these royal scroungers possess? None, that's what! They have absolutely zero talent, and they have no place within British society!"
The crowd cheered for Terry, and soon chants of "We love Wogan" were being cheered by the crowd.
"Thank you, thank you," Terry smiled, "But still, these royal wastes-of-space are bashing our beloved contest. Our sacred contest... but it's ok, we're going to do something about it."
"What are we going to do?" asked Simon Webbe.
Terry Wogan turned to the crowd.
"Ah, glad you asked that Simon. Now then, everyone, listen up, me and Blue are going to storm Buckingham Palace-" Terry began.
"What? We're going with you?" Lee asked, "How come?"
"Yeah, mate," Duncan said, "You know I think you're awesome Terry, but, shouldn't we... you know... bring the crowd with us?"
"Well, I can't enter with this crowd, they'll think something is up straight away," Terry smiled, "Look, if something goes wrong the crowd can storm the palace too... but I think we can deal with it."
Terry Wogan went into his pocket and brought out a golden key.
"This is the key to the Buckingham Palace gate," Terry said, using his key to unlock the golden gate. The gate swung open, and Terry Wogan went up to the palace, used the key again to open the door, and went inside.
"Now, you guys stay here," Duncan said to the crowd, "We're going with him."
And so Blue followed Terry's lead, entering Buckingham Palace.
"Ah, glad you four could make it," Terry smiled.
"Where are Wills and Kate?" Lee asked.
"Straight ahead," Terry smiled, pointing to a wooden door in front of them.
Terry then went up to it and used his key to unlock it.
"Royal family, your numbers up!" Terry yelled as he came into the room.
Blue followed him in.
"Wha... wha... WHAT?!" Kate yelled, "What is going on here? Terry Wogan?! If this has something to do with that ridiculous Eurovision Contest then-"
"Silence, fool," Terry said, "This has everything to do with the Eurovision Song Contest and you know it!"
"Well we don't want to talk to you about Eurovision," William said, "We're tired of hearing everyone crow on about Eurovision. We're fucking sick of it! Eurovision this and Eurovision that! Fuck Eurovision! I hate it!"
"I hate it too! Everyone talks about it all day every day," Kate said, "All the songs are rubbish and you know it!"
"Every Eurovision song is a masterpiece," Terry said, "Eurovision is a shining beacon in this dark world. You couldn't create any of the amazing masterpieces that feature on the Eurovision. In fact, you have no talent to speak of. You're only jealous that everyone loves the Eurovision and not you two fools!"
"You didn't even like Eurovision," Kate said, "You were always taking the piss out of it. And now... you're using it against us?"
"Well, as it so turns out, I love Eurovision, otherwise I wouldn't have been the commentator for so long," Terry snarled, "So get your facts straight, idiot, and furthermore, you're the one who is the Euro-hater here, not me! Eurovision is far more popular than you and you can't stand it!"
Terry Wogan then saw some blue pieces of paper lying on the desk.
"What is this?" Terry said, picking it up and looking at it.
"Get off that you peasant!" William yelled, "Filthy scoundrel!"
"That is property of the royal family, do not touch that!" Kate yelled.
The word 'plans' was written in big white writing on the blue paper.
"Only I may make plans..." Terry said, "Ridiculous royal family, thinking you may have a say in politics? Hahaha."
But Terry was shocked at what he saw on the paper, when he read these 'plans'.
There were plans to blow up the Eurovision stadium, plans to assassinate the Eurovision entrants, plans to seal Germany away like Belgium had been, all sorts of horrible, horrible plans were detailed, and they all had one purpose. To stop the Eurovision Song Contest indefinitely.
Blue too were reading these plans, and were shocked by the horrible plans that had been written by William and Kate.
"I was thinking of exiling you guys to Turkey to get rid of you, but this... this changes everything... how can Eurovision be safe if you are anywhere near it... Eurovision... Eurovision will never be safe as long as you royal scumbags are around..."
"Oh my..." Duncan said, "This... this does change everything."
"Nothing is changed," said a soldier at the door, holding a gun, "Terry Wogan, I'm asking you to step down."
"Wait, wait, come on now," Terry said, "The royal family is obselete... you know that now, I'm the leader of Britain."
"My allegiance is with the royal family," the soldier said, pointing his gun at Terry.
"Oh thank goodness you're here," Kate said, "This horrid man has been terrorizing us!"
"He just came in here for no good reason!" William yelled, "Horrid little peasant!"
"Come on, don't be like this, it's Eurovision time," Terry said, "The royal family are obselete..."
"I don't want to hear about Eurovision," the soldier replied coldly, "I don't want to hear about it. Now put your hands up."
Terry put the blue paper on the floor and put his hands up. Blue put their hands up too.
"Now then," the soldier said, "What to do with you..."
"I have an idea," William smiled evily, "Blue. That's Blue standing with you, isn't it, Wogan?"
Terry said nothing.
"Speak, peasant!" William yelled.
Terry stayed silent.
"It is most definitely Blue," Kate said.
"Good," William laughed, "Soldier, you have been a great help to us so far. There is one more thing you can do for me, however. Blue will be our Eurovision entrants this year. Or, should I say, they would have been our Eurovision entrants this year. Too bad they won't show up. That's because, dear soldier, we want you to shoot them. Shoot Blue and then there will be no one in the Eurovision for us this year. And after that, I want our Eurovision participation to be forever discontinued! I want there to be no more shows broadcast on the Eurovision, I want there to be no more Eurovisions broadcast here. I want the very word 'Eurovision' to be banned, any mention censored and stricken from the history books. I want the next generation to not even know what Eurovision is."
"No, come on mate," Duncan said, "Are you havin' a laugh? Come on mate, don't be like that, we-"
"Silence, peasant!" William yelled, "Now then soldier, are you going to shoot them, or will I have to do it myself?"
The soldier aimed his gun at Duncan.
"No, no!" Terry said, standing in front of Blue and in the way of the soldier, "You can't do this! What are you doing?!"
"Stand aside Wogan," the soldier said, "I have been given orders from the royal family to shoot the boyband Blue."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Terry yelled, "This isn't the way we do things!"
"I cannot disobey my orders which have been given to me by the royal family," the soldier said.
"And what, if the royal family gave you orders to go outside and randomly start shooting people on the street, would you do it?!" Terry asked.
"I cannot disobey the royal orders," the soldier said.
"So... you would do it?!" Terry asked.
"I cannot disobey the royal orders," the soldier repeated.
Meanwhile, the crowd were still waiting outside Buckingham Palace, unsure of what to do. Josh Dubovie was waiting in the crowd.
"Something's not right," Josh said, "They should be out here by now... something's not right..."
The crowd turned to Josh.
"We must... we must go into Buckingham Palace, and rescue Blue from the evil royal family," Josh said. Josh had not mentioned Terry Wogan as he was still annoyed that he was arrested because of him.
The crowd agreed, and started cheering for Josh.
"We've got to go in there and save them," Josh said, and the crowd followed him into Buckingham Palace.
There was now a huge mass of people inside the palace, and they saw the doorway where the soldier was standing.
They could hear voices coming from the room.
"No, you can't do this, you just can't," they heard Terry Wogan say.
"Wogan, stand aside, or I will shoot you as well as Blue," the soldier said.
"No... stop right there!" Josh yelled, and the soldier turned to see Josh Dubovie standing in front of a huge crowd.
The soldier aimed his gun at Josh.
"Ha, what are you going to do with that?" Josh said, "You can't shoot all of us! And if you shoot anyone, the retaliation of the crowd will be brutal."
The crowd cheered Josh on, as the soldier fled, running down the corridor.
"Not so brave now, is he?" Josh laughed.
"Indeed not," Terry said, "Wait a minute, Josh?!"
"It is I, yes, and now I must go, my work here is done," Josh said, turning to leave the palace.
"Wait... that was Josh?!" Duncan asked, "Josh Dubovie?!"
"Yes..." Terry said, "I just... don't understand... why..."
"It was Josh who made us come here to get you," said Daz Sampson, who was in the crowd with the other Eurovision fans, "If he hadn't said anything we wouldn't have come."
"Gee..." Simon said, "I guess we owe him one."
"We sure do..." Terry said, "We sure do..."
----
The members of the public restrained William and Kate until the police showed up to arrest them. The soldier was also arrested. They would be locked away forever. Because Terry Wogan wanted to repay the people who had supported him, the public would still get the bank holiday on the day that the royal wedding was going to be, and most of them would probably spend this day off rewatching old Eurovisions.
A day later, and Blue were sitting in their house, contemplating what had happened the day before.
"That was... I don't know what to think about it..." Simon said.
"Well, just look on the bright side," Duncan smiled, "There will be no royal wedding, the public didn't want it anyway..."
"Yes, now there is more time for more important things," Lee said, "Like Eurovision!"
"Indeed," Antony said, "Like Eurovision."
And Blue all laughed to themselves.
The End.