The Belgian Civil War
The sun set over Belgium, and the people lived in peace. Despite the tensions that had built up recently between Wallonia and Flanders, Belgium appeared to be a peaceful place. It had been like this for as long as anyone could remember.
Tom Dice was sitting on a hill, strumming his guitar. It was peaceful up here, he could see no one for miles, except for a few occasional sheep.
But despite the view, all was not peaceful in the country of Belgium. The illusion of peace in Belgium was a false one. Something was about to begin that would change the country forever.
Because meanwhile, in Belgium Palace, the mayor looked through the window of the castle, overlooking the grassy fields. Behind him, was the king, King Albert II, the King of the Belgians, sat on his dazzling golden throne. A throne that was under threat.
"King... I... I believe we may have underestimated the situation," the mayor said, looking out into the peaceful sunset.
"How bad is it?" the King was worried.
"It is worse than we first feared, your Majesty, the Flemish seperatists are slowly gaining control of the country..."
"Can't.... can't we get the army in here?"
"No, they have tanks. Tanks and missiles."
"Tanks!" the King shouted, jumping up from his throne, "And where in the hell did they get tanks?"
"The Netherlands, your highness, we've got to leave Wallonia now. The Flemish seperatists... the Netherlands gave them weapons to fight us with..."
"What?! The Netherlands!? How dare they! How could they do this! This could very well result in international warfare! This... this is TREASON!"
"I know, I know your highness, but this has already been done. We must do something before the whole of Belgium erupts in Civil War..."
"Forget that, I'm out," the King took his crown off, leaving it on his throne as he stood up.
"No, no, your majesty, we must..."
"I'm out of here, this is a matter for the army to decide upon..."
"W...What are you saying, your majesty?"
"I'm saying, that I declare the country of Belgium under Martial Law!"
"N...no! You can't..."
"I just did, the fate of this country is in the hands of the military now..."
They both just stood there for a moment, looking at each other.
Belgium was now under martial law.
Meanwhile, not so far away, a bright orange tank drove across the border from Flanders into Wallonia.
"I knew this wouldn't be a good tank to drive in, damn Dutch tanks, this won't give us any camoflague at all," one Flemish seperatist said to another.
"Who cares? The Walloons don't have tanks, so we can do what we like. Doesn't matter if they can see us or not, we can shoot them all the same... hey look, there's those lousy Walloons now!"
The tank had trundled into a Wallonian village.
"God damn it, I hate Wallonia," the tank controller said, pushing a button on the tank controls.
The Wallonian people looked on, some even taking photographs of the spectacle before them, not knowing the disaster that was about to strike.
The tank shot a cannonball that flew into a building nearby, and a huge cloud of dust filled the area.
"Wallonian scum!" screamed the tank driver, as more cannonballs were fired, turning the once peaceful town into a battlefield of danger and destruction.
Everyone scrambled out of the way of the tanks as buildings all around exploded as the cannonballs smashed into them.
Tom Dice had now walked down from the hills and was walking through a little town in Wallonia. He was here to congratulate the new 2011 Eurovision entrants, Witloof Bay. If you thought the Eurovision was taken seriously in France and Lithuania, well in Belgium they were taking it even more seriously. This is why songs in Belgium were never sung in French or Dutch. It would only cause arguments between Wallonia and Flanders. Some bands, like Ishtar and Urban Trad, even made up their own languages to sing in as to avoid stigma from either Flanders or Wallonia.
Usually, Flanders and Wallonia would take turns in sending entrants, and, since Tom had been chosen last year, this year, it was Wallonia's turn.
Tom looked down from the hills and saw Witloof Bay standing on the street, and so he walked over to them.
"Hey," Tom said, "Witloof Bay! Congrats!"
"What the hell are you doing here?!? You're... from Flanders?!" Benoit yelled, "What in the hell are you doing in Wallonia?! Get out of here!"
"I... I came to congratulate... you guys..." Tom said.
"Why would you do that when there is a civil war going on?!" Benoit yelled.
"Civil... what?" Tom asked, "There's a... civil war? Since when?!"
"Don't tell me you are as stupid as you are naive," Mathilde said, "The civil war has been brewing for weeks. Now it has finally begun."
"So," RoxorLoops said, "This is how the world ends... not with a bang, nor with a whimper, but with love, baby!"
"That was terrible Senjka," Entienne laughed, "You should be ashamed."
"This is no laughing matter!" Florence said, "This civil war is not something to joke about! Just think... what will happen to us if Belgium descends into civil war?"
"Florence is right guys," Nicolas said, "If Belgium falls into civil war it will be bad for both sides, I'm sure of it!"
"Oh, this is terrible! Those evil Dutch Flanders are going to destroy Belgium!" Mathilde yelled.
They could hear explosions going off in the distance.
"What the hell is that?" Florence yelled, "Damn Dutch Flanders, ruining everything again!"
"Can we stop calling Flanders 'Dutch Flanders'?" Tom asked, "No one calls Wallonia 'French Wallonia' now do they?"
"Yeah, come on guys, I'm Flemish," RoxorLoops said.
"As am I," Tom said.
And it was at that moment that a Walloon girl jumped out from the bushes, grabbed Tom's guitar, and attempted to hit him with it.
"I knew you were a damn Fleming!" she yelled, while trying to raise the guitar but it was too heavy for her to lift.
RoxorLoops grabbed the guitar away from the girl.
"Hey, what are you doing?!" the girl yelled.
"Look, Sarina," Roxor said, handing the guitar back to Tom, "Calm the hell down, ok?"
"No I won't calm down!" Sarina yelled, "What the hell Witloof Bay, what do you people think you are doing?! Fraternising with freaking Flanders?! Don't you know there's a civil war on?!"
"If you're so concerned about the civil war, why don't you stay in your house, instead of coming out onto the war-torn streets of Belgium!" Mathilde snapped, "And besides, there's been no reports of any violence yet-"
"Well don't look now then, because there's a tank over there!" RoxorLoops said, pointing into the distance. Along the road of the city, there was an orange tank.
"Woaaah," Tom said, "Holy shit, a tank!"
"Yeah, we can see that Tom," Nicolas said, rolling his eyes.
Suddenly, the tank turned its turret and fired a cannonball into one of the buildings, which smashed its windows and the building burst into flames.
"Holy shit!" Nicolas yelled, "Come on guys, let's get the hell out of here!"
And so Tom, Sarina and Witloof Bay ran up the hills, running down the other side until they were in a leafy forest. But, since they had ran over the hill, they had crossed the border and were now in Flanders.
"Oh no," Sarina said, "Now we're in Flanders!"
"Ooooh shit," RoxorLoops said, "We better get back to Wallonia..."
And so Witloof Bay and Sarina both ran up the hill, but when they looked down at the city, there were orange helicopters dropping bombs all over the city. In the distance, they could see thousands upon thousands of orange helicopters, all shooting missiles onto the streets of Wallonia.
"How the hell did they get there?!" Sarina yelled.
Voices were coming from the pilots of the helicopters.
"Walen buiten! Walen buiten! Walen buiten!" they chanted over and over again.
"What in the hell does that mean?" Entienne asked.
"It's Dutch for 'Walloons out'," RoxorLoops said.
"But... but... but this isn't fair!" Sarina yelled, "We don't have any weapons or anything! Looks at the thousands of helicopters they've got from the Netherlands! We don't stand a chance! This isn't a civil war! This is an extermination!!! This isn't fair you Flemish bastards!"
"I feel that this is the beginning of the end of Belgium," Nicolas said.
"But not for Flanders!" came a voice from behind them, as they all turned to see an army general who looked down at them. His uniform had a tiny Flemish flag on it.
"W...who are you?" Sarina asked.
"None of your business Walloon!" the general growled, "Ha ha ha! This will be the end for Belgium but not Flanders. Flanders will rise again, like a phoenix from the ashes! Hahahaha, pathetic Wallonia will fall! We will kill all Walloons and then reclaim the land as part of Flanders, ha ha ha!"
"What? No!" Sarina yelled, "You have no right to do that!"
"Yeah, who do you think you are?!" Florence asked.
"We're from Flanders, you Wallonian trash, it is you Walloons who deserve no rights because you are not on the same level as we superior Flemings."
"People, please, we can seperate, you know..." RoxorLoops said, "You... you can be an independent Flanders, just like you want!"
"We don't want to seperate," the general snarled, "We want to get rid of all Wallonian trash like you from our beautiful planet. And then we can expand Flanders... we will have greater Flanders!"
"But what about Brussels?!" Florence asked.
"We will exterminate all the vermin Walloons that have invaded our beautiful city. We will reclaim it as part of Flanders, ha ha ha," the general laughed.
"No! You have no right to do that!" Sarina yelled.
"I have plenty of rights to do what I want you Walloon scum, but that doesn't matter now... your shitty Walloon king has ran off and now Belgium is now under martial law!" the army general laughed.
"But... but that's not fair!" Sarina said, "Everyone knows that only the Flemish are allowed into Belgium's army!"
"Hahaha, that is because we Flemish are far superior than you lowly Walloons!" the army general laughed, before putting his bag on the floor and getting out a machine gun, "Ahahahaha I will shoot you worthless Walloons for the glory of Flanders!"
"No, wait!" RoxorLoops yelled, but Tom Dice had snuck behind the army general and hit him with his guitar and the general fell to the ground.
"Well, that takes care of that," Tom said.
"That... that was awesome!" yelled RoxorLoops.
"Indeed it was," Sarina smiled, "Thank you Tom, you're the best!"
"It was nothing," Tom said, as he and all of Witloof Bay turned to walk away.
"No, wait," Sarina said, "Are we just going to walk away like this? We should take his machine gun!"
"Why would we... we don't want to be shooting anyone now, do we?" RoxorLoops said.
"Look, RoxorLoops, Senjka, whatever your name is, we have to take his gun. We're Walloons, well, you're not... but we are! And if the Flemish seperatists find us, they will shoot us without question! We need to arm ourselves against them!"
"I guess you're right," RoxorLoops said.
Suddenly, two women ran out from behind a building and grabbed Tom's guitar.
"What the hell?!?!" Tom yelled, "Give that back!!!"
The two women laughed as they ran down the street with the guitar.
Tom was going to run after them, but RoxorLoops grabbed him back.
"Don't Tom," he said, "It's not worth it. We need to concentrate on getting the hell out of here, not chasing after your guitar."
"Damn it," Tom said, "What is with everyone and trying to steal my guitar today!?"
"Sorry about that before..." Sarina said meekly.
"It's probably for the best," Entienne said, "The guitar would only slow us down anyway."
"Tom saved all our lives with that guitar," Sarina said, "We should-"
"Nah, it's alright Sarina," Tom said, "I've got plenty more at home."
Nicolas reached into the army general's bag and took out the machine gun.
"Well, Tom, since you were carrying that big guitar of yours around before, why don't you carry this around instead?" Nicolas said, holding up the gun, "Surely this will offer more protection than that guitar of yours did, you know how to use it, right?"
"I guess it can't be that hard," Tom said.
"Wait wait wait a minute," Florence said, "Why are we giving our machine gun, our only form of protection, to a freaking Fleming?"
"Don't be like that Florence," Benoit said, "Tom is with us."
The eight of them walked off down the road, hardly anyone was on the streets.
"So... how did this all start, anyway?" Tom asked.
"Well, it all started of course a few months back, when the Belgian army was closed to Walloons," Mathilde said, "All Walloons were discharged from the army. Any that fought for their right to stay simply vanished. God only knows what happened to them."
"And more recently the shops have been closed to we Wallonians," Entienne said, "As in, they don't let us in. In fact, they don't let anyone in without a Flemish passport. Well, tourists are but they have to show ID to prove that they are indeed a tourist and not a Walloon."
"Yeah, but we've got Senjka here to buy us stuff," Nicolas smiled, "Ain't that right?"
"It sure is," RoxorLoops said.
"And a good thing that we have him with us too," Florence said, "Hopefully we can avoid the worst of the civil war because we have him with us."
"And so?" Sarina asked, "What happens when the Flemish authorities wake up and say 'Hey, why is RoxorLoops buying so much shit? Oh, I know, maybe he's giving it to those Walloons he's always hanging around with'. What happens then, huh? If you lot think you're immune to the civil war because you have that Fleming buying you shit, then you are so, so wrong, because the Flemings will come for you all. Oh, come on you guys, don't act as daft as your Eurovision entry, just answer me, what would you do then?"
Witloof Bay stayed silent, none of them knowing how to answer that question.
"And for those of us who don't have our own personal Flemings to buy us things, we have to rely on the Wallonian Resistance to bring things back from Brussels..." Sarina continued, "Or sometimes the resistance can steal things. However, ever since the Flemish guards began guarding the borders all around Wallonia, it has been harder for the resistance to come back. Some members have even gone missing, we suspect that the Flemish have got them."
"Well, stop crossing our borders then," Tom said, "Then the guards wouldn't have to be there!"
"Wait wait, what?! Excuse me?!?!" Sarina snapped back, "That is beyond a joke, we were forced to cross the borders because of your dumbass soldiers attacking us all the time!"
"Ok, ok look, guys," RoxorLoops said, "Obviously this civil war is going to begin any day now-"
"It's already begun!" Sarina yelled, "Just look around you! Walloons, our people, are going missing every single day. The Flemish are taking them somewhere! Isn't it obvious? They're getting rid of us! They want to exterminate us!"
They all stood there in the forest for a while. The situation in Belgium looked bleak.
Meanwhile, the King and the Mayor of Belgium had arrived in an empty Flemish airport, ready for their escape. It was empty because the Flemings had gone to do their duty which was to attack Wallonia.
The two of them stepped outside onto the runway and saw that Helmut Lotti was sitting in a little plane.
"Wait!" the King yelled, running over to the plane, "That's the only plane left!"
"It's alright," Helmut said, "I can't fly a plane anyway."
"What is this trickery, Fleming?!" the Mayor yelled, "Is this a trap? Where are the other Flemings?!"
"Hey, don't be like that Mayor," Helmut said, "Weren't you in Flanders not that long ago giving that key to Tom Dice?"
"We weren't in a civil war then, were we?" the Mayor said, "Get out of the plane."
"Hey, hey Mayor," said the King, "Be quiet. Don't speak to him like that. So Helmut, where are the other Flemings?"
"They left a while ago," Helmut said, "I don't know where they are..."
"But... why are you still here? I thought you would have left with them..." the King began.
"Like the other Flemings, you mean?" Helmut asked, "I just, I don't know, I didn't want to be a part of all this... this isn't... this isn't what Belgium is about..."
"I agree," the King said, "Maybe we are not so different after all."
"You're too idealist, your majesty," the Mayor said, "There are so many differences. This is why we are at war."
"I can pilot a plane, you know. Especially a plane such as this," the King said, ignoring what the Mayor had just said, "We're leaving Belgium. You can come with us if you want, Helmut."
"Come on, we're not taking a Fleming with us," the Mayor said.
"You know, you've became very anti-Flemish these past few weeks," the King said, "Although I guess it is understandable, seeing our current situation."
"Of course it is, they've just started killing our people for no good reason!" the Mayor yelled.
"Get in the plane," the King said, "We'll get out of this mess."
"Fine," the Mayor said, and he and the King got into the plane.
The King sat in the pilot seat, with Helmut and the Mayor sitting in the two back seats.
"Where are we going, your highness?" the Mayor asked.
"We're going to evacuate to the UK, Terry Wogan will surely keep us if he wants his dictatorship state of Britain to appear in any way democratic."
"Are you sure about that?" Helmut asked, "He's a dictator, isn't he?"
"No one asked you, Fleming," the Mayor snapped.
"Mayor, shut up," the King said, "And yes, Helmut, Terry Wogan is a dictator. But dictator is not synonymous with 'bad' or 'evil'. I am sure he will help us."
The King looked down at the controls, he knew exactly how to fly this plane.
"Here we go!" the King yelled, and so the engine started, and, soon after, the plane quietly flew off, beginning their journey to Britain.
Meanwhile, Tom, Sarina and Witloof Bay were still standing in the forest.
"Hey, where's the.... Witloof Van?" Sarina said, rolling her eyes at the name Witloof Bay had given their car.
"I don't know, it disappeared this morning..." RoxorLoops said, "We looked for it for a bit, but we couldn't find it anywhere. We guess the Flemish seperatists took it away... there were hardly any cars on the street when we were looking this morning."
"Damn," Sarina said, "That sucks."
"Yeah, tell me about it," Nicolas said, "I can't believe they stole our car!"
"So... what now then?" Tom asked.
"Well, there have been reports, you know," Sarina said, "The last time I checked Wallonian news... the last time Wallonian news was still even working... they said that Brussels was a safe haven... where Flemings and Walloons were together and there was no civil war. Can you imagine it? A city, untouched by civil war."
"We should go there," Benoit said.
They had been walking around in the forest for a while and now had come across a building which sat in a field by the forest.
"Hey," RoxorLoops said, "Look at that building in the distance."
"I guess we can hide in there while the war goes on, when it calms down we can go to Brussels," Nicolas said, and they all went up to the building.
A sign in front of the building read 'Paradise Industries'.
The building looked strong and reinforced, a perfect hiding place.
"Well, I guess we should go in there then..." Tom said, and they all approached the building.
They opened the door and stepped inside, and there, standing on a podium, were Waldo's People, the Finnish Eurovision entrants of 2009.
"Time to power up the machine!" Sami laughed, before turning and seeing Tom, Sarina and Witloof Bay standing at the door.
"Aw shit," Karl said, "What are these guys doing here?"
"No no no! Don't worry, it's perfect!" Waldo smiled, "And a great coincidence that Tom Dice is here, considering what we are about to do..."
"And... uhm... what are you about to do?" Tom asked.
"Should we tell him?" Karoliina asked.
"Yes," Waldo said, "Why not? It's not like Belgium will be in any recognisable state after the Civil War anyway. Tom, we are currently making a clone. Of you."
"A clone? Of me?!"
"Yes," Kimmo said, "A Finnish clone."
"A.... Finnish clone?!? What? How in the hell can my clone be Finnish!?"
"It will speak Finnish," Kimmo replied.
"You know, I really would like to be on this trip down insanity lane with you people," RoxorLoops said, "But to be honest we've got important things to be doing. And that doesn't involve, you know, cloning Eurovision entrants."
"Yeah, like, what? A clone...? That didn't even make sense," Sarina said, "And at the moment we have other problems than your nonsensical rambling."
Suddenly, the door opened and two women ran into the base holding a guitar.
"Hey!!!" Tom yelled, "They're the two that stole my guitar!!!"
"Kuunkuiskaajat!!!" Waldo yelled, "Perfect! Pass me that guitar!"
"Here, we finally have it!" Johanna said.
"We sure do," Susan said, and so they both went over to Waldo and gave him Tom's guitar.
Waldo held up the guitar, looking proud of himself.
"And here... we have it! Bwahaha!" Waldo laughed, "By ourselves we may not have been able to win the Eurovision... but... with this, we will!"
"Guys," Tom said, "What in the absolute hell is going on?!"
Anna Bergandahl ran into the room, holding a small machine.
"I found the machine!" Anna yelled, "Phew, did you get Tom's guitar?"
"Yeah," Waldo said, "Kuunkuiskaajat got it for me."
"What is going on in here?" RoxorLoops asked, "Don't you know there's a civil war on! It's not safe to be in Belgium at this time!"
"Alright guys, we know that. But really, I don't give a crap," Waldo said, "So can we clone Tom in peace? Thank you."
"It's not really a true clone though, is it?" Anna asked.
"No, some robotic elements are present for sure, but hey, Lena was a robot and she won the Eurovision for Germany," Waldo answered, and he pressed a button on top of the machine and then put the machine on the floor, putting the guitar on top of it.
"And now, it is activation time!" Waldo smiled, "Everyone, please welcome the Finnish Eurovision entrant for 2011!"
The machine glowed a bright light, and Anna brought in a human-looking robot. It looked very realistic. This was also put by the machine and the guitar.
The robot and the guitar now glowed a bright light too, and soon the light faded, but now, the robot moved by itself.
"Tee..... hee..." it said.
"Oh my god! It worked! It worked! Terasbetoni were right!" Anna yelled, "This is the perfect plan!"
"We've gotta name it," Waldo said.
"Anna should do it," Kimmo said.
"How about Oskar? Hell, since this is the Paradise Industry building we are using, how about 'Paradise Oskar'?!" Anna said.
"That's ridiculous, but yeah, why not?"
"Hej, jag ar svensk," Oskar said, "Dessutom ser jag att mitt namn ar 'Paradise Oskar'."
"Holy flying shit," Waldo said, "It speaks Swedish."
"Yeaaah!" Anna yelled, "Sweden! Sverige ar det basta landet!!!!"
"Ja!!!" Oskar yelled.
"Why does this happen?! The Finnish Eurovision entrant is a Swede?!" Waldo yelled, "We're representing Finland, not Sweden!"
"Voin myos puhua suomea," Oskar said, "Tee hee!"
"Oh, you speak Finnish too?!" Waldo yelled, "Se on taydellinen!!!"
"Tee hee, I can speak English too," Oskar smiled, "Although that was obvious, since I could understand what you all were saying."
"Excellent, most excellent, a trilingual clone-robot?! This is most pleasing," Waldo smiled.
"Tee hee, I am glad you are pleased," Oskar said, "What is this place?"
"This place is called Belgium-" Anna began.
"But enough about that, we have created you with a purpose," Waldo said, "You will be in the Eurovision Song Contest performing for Finland. The band Witloof Bay will also be performing there, say hello to Oskar, Witloof Bay."
"Hey," RoxorLoops said.
"Tee hee, hello there," Oskar said, "So this Eurovision Song Contest... it is a contest of songs?"
"Exactly!" Anna said, "That's exactly what it is!"
"And... I will be singing one of these songs?" Oskar asked.
"Yes, yes!" Anna smiled, "You will be singing one of the songs."
"Right, that's it, this makes no sense," Sarina said, "I'm out of here. Witloof Bay, Tom, you coming?"
"Sure," Tom said, and he and Witloof Bay followed Sarina out of the building.
"I guess they just don't appreciate us, huh?" Anna said, "But we'll show them, right Oskar? We'll show them at Eurovision!"
"Tee hee! We sure will!" Oskar smiled.
Meanwhile in Flanders, only a few meters away from the Paradise Industries building there was a big stadium standing in the middle of a field.
And the Dutch band 3Js were inside, here to promote their new Eurovision song in Flanders.
They looked around the place, and the stadium was entirely empty.
"Sooo.... where is everyone?" Jan asked.
"I don't have a clue," Jaap de Witte said, "Maybe we're in the wrong place?"
Jan took a map from his pocket and looked down at it.
"No," he said, "My map says that we're definitely in the right place."
"God damn it," Jaap de Witte said, "I sure wish we were back in Narnia and not in Belgium, Belgium's so weird these days..."
"Yeah," Jan said, "You can say that again, this makes Aslan's Country look normal."
"Yeah Jaap, and we were in Aslan's Country, not Narnia, get it right," said Jaap Kwakman.
A TV in the corner flickered on, and they all looked over to it.
A picture of a Belgium flag came on the screen and a voiceover said; "Hello 3Js, you may be wondering where we are. Well, the truth is, the country of Belgium has descended into civil war. We Flemings have begun to get rid of the vile Walloons. It is a matter of pure fact, we cannot live with those repulsive creatures sitting on our doorstep, and when two incompatible groups are together, one must be disposed of. We must dispose of Wallonia. This is why we cannot be here today."
The television then flickered off, leaving the 3Js standing in the empty stadium, looking at the blank screen on the TV.
"So basically, they've left us an elaborate television message, and yet couldn't be bothered to, you know, phone us before we came all this way here," Jaap de Witte said.
"Yeah that's damn considerate of them," Jaap Kwakman said.
Meanwhile, Tom Dice, Sarina and Witloof Bay were all standing in the field when Sarina saw the stadium in the distance.
"Let's go in there," she said, "It can't be any weirder than that laboratory place."
"It can't possibly get any weirder than that," Tom said, and they all went inside the stadium to find the 3Js standing inside.
"Who are you guys?" Jan asked.
"Oh great," Nicolas said, rolling his eyes, "The Dutch have arrived."
"And who the hell are you?" Jaap de Witte said.
"I am Nicolas Dorian and this is my band Witloof Bay, of which I am the leader," Nicolas said, "Who the hell are you?!"
"Hold on a minute, I thought I was the leader," RoxorLoops said.
"No, I'm the 'leader', you silly Fleming," Nicolas said.
"We should totally argue about whose band this is," Benoit said, "Oh no, wait a minute, looks like I don't care. What's with the Dutchies, anyway?"
The 3Js then saw that Tom Dice was holding a machine gun.
"Woah woah woah woah," Jan said, "Put that away. We didn't know about the civil war I swear-"
"Calm down already," Tom said, "We're not a part of the civil war either."
"What's with Belgians and guns anyway?" Jaap Kwakman asked, "And why do the Belgians we meet always seem to have guns with them?"
"Oh yeah," Sarina said, "That farmer guy, I heard about that on the news."
"That farmer was a Walloon!" Tom said.
"And?!" Nicolas asked, "What difference does that make?!"
"Hey, I won't have internal divisions in our group. Anyway, we should take the 3Js to Anna and the Finns," Entienne said, "That why they can all go back to their countries together."
"Makes sense, sort of," Nicolas said, "And they'll be let out of Belgium easily, since Flemish seperatists don't attack tourists, only Walloons. And they would certainly never attack Dutch people like yourselves. The Flemish value the Netherlands very highly."
"But... I don't get it!" Jan yelled,"A civil war? Why?!"
"I don't know..." Nicolas said, "I really don't know... I wish we could all live together, and we could if this was an ideal world. But the world is full of darkness... and that is the cause of the civil war. Too much conflict in this country. Anywho, I digress, there is nothing we can do now about the civil war now... come 3Js, follow us!"
And so the 3Js followed them all out of the stadium and to the Paradise Industries building.
Anna and the Finns were already outside the building.
"Why are you outside?" Sarina asked, "You guys leaving so soon?"
"Yeah," Waldo smiled, "We got what we came for."
"Tee hee," Oskar laughed.
Waldo was still holding Tom's guitar.
"Oh, Tom," Waldo said, "I believe this belongs to you." And so he handed the guitar back to Tom.
"Now I'm holding a guitar and a machine gun!" Tom said.
"Is the machine gun really necessary?" Waldo asked.
"Look Waldo," RoxorLoops said, "In case you haven't noticed, we're in a civil war right now? Ok?"
"We can take the guitar back with us," Anna said, "And then mail it back to you, if you're going to be parading around with a machine gun maybe it is for the best if we take this."
"You sure can," Tom said, not even caring in the slightest that he was giving his guitar back to Anna and the Finns.
Anna smiled, holding Tom's guitar.
"Thank you. Oh... hey!" Anna said, looking at the 3Js, "Aren't you the 3Js?!"
"Yeah!" Jan said, "Yeah that's us!"
"They were lost in the stadium," Tom said, "You guys are going home now, you should take them back with you."
"Of course," Kimmo smiled.
"Ok, Anna, the Finns, and Paradise Oskar. You should all go back to Finland or wherever the hell you came from," Entienne said, "And you should probably take the 3Js with you.
"Ok, that makes sense. We can pass as tourists, tourists are allowed to leave," Anna said, "Walloons aren't. Where will you guys go?"
"We're off to Brussels," Benoit said, "It's a safe haven where Walloons and Flemings can live together. We'll stay there for the remainder of the civil war."
"That's nice, see you in Dusseldorf!" Oskar said.
"Hopefully," Nicolas said.
"Come on guys, and come on 3Js, you're coming with us," Anna smiled.
"Oh ok," Jan said, and the 3Js went with the Finns and Anna Bergendahl.
Tom Dice, Witloof Bay and Sarina all watched as they walked off and disappeared out of sight. They stood there in the field, with forest all around them.
"Why can't we go with them?" Florence asked.
"The path back to the Netherlands is blocked by Flemish seperatists... Walloons aren't allowed past," Benoit said, "You'd need a Flemish passport, or any other form of identification that says you are not Wallonian, to get past. I guess Tom and maybe even RoxorLoops could do it, but the rest of us are stuck here. The only hope we have is to reach Brussels."
"I don't get why we can't stay here in Flanders," Tom said, "Look around you, there's a field, forests, no one is here!"
"The Finns were here-" Benoit began.
"Forget about the Finns!" Tom said, "There are no seperatists here, none at all."
"They will come looking," Sarina said, "They always come looking."
"Sarina, stop talking about this as if you know what you're talking about!" Tom yelled, "They're not going to come looking!"
"They do," Sarina said, "They always do..."
"Oh, ok, so, hypothetically, let's just say that we do follow you plan," Entienne said, "What now? We're stuck in a forest, what exactly are we meant to do?"
"Ok, ok, I know it's not ideal, and I'm not saying we should stay in the forest, just in Flanders," Tom said.
"Stay in freaking Flanders?!" Mathilde yelled, "It's alright for you, Fleming, but we'll get shot the moment the seperatists find us!"
"Look," Tom said, holding his machine gun up, "I've always got this to deal with anyone who threatens us."
"And those bullets will only last so long, and what then?" Sarina asked, "There are more seperatists than there are us... there are many more Flemings than there are us. We are outnumbered in every way imaginable... you don't even know what you're talking about because you've been brainwashed with so much Flemish propaganda!"
"I guess you are right," Tom said, "In which case we should go to Brussels... the only place which has not been reached by the civil war..."
Meanwhile, two Flemish seperatists were waiting by a wall, holding rifles in their hands, waiting for the Walloons to come out of their houses so that they could shoot them.
"Why aren't these useless pieces of trash coming out of their houses. Stupid Walloon garbage!" one seperatist said.
"Hahaha, it is an insult to garbage to compare it with useless Walloons," the other answered.
"Yes, but unfortunately for the garbage, we will take all the Walloons and throw them into the garbage!"
"Poor garbage, having to be that close to vile Walloons."
"Ahahaha, I completely agree. Anywho, our next task is to go into Brussels and remove all the Walloons. Once those filthy parasites are removed from Brussels and Wallonia, we can begin with the creation of Greater Flanders!"
"Yeah, hey wait a minute, what's that over there?"
A Wallonian girl, about four or five years old, walked up to them, holding a red balloon by its string.
"Hello there, what are you doing here?" she said.
"And where the fuck are you from?" a seperatist said.
"Belgium," she answered.
"No bitch, we're talkin' about Flanders or Wallonia."
"Wallonia," she said, "I am from Wallo-"
They shot her over and over again with the rifles.
"Hahahaha!" the seperatist laughed as he kept firing bullets, "We won't tolerate Walloons in our country any more!"
The seperatists stopped shooting, satisfied.
The red balloon the girl was holding was now floating up into the sky.
"And let's shoot that fuckin' Walloon's balloon too," one of them said.
And so the seperatists aimed their rifles to the sky and shot the red balloon down.
"Hahahaha, that is what we do to Wallonian scum around here!"
"Ah, yes, that was great, we got rid of that Walloon spawn easily!"
"Ok, so, now that that's taken care of, let's go to Brussels and remove the parasitic filth!"
"Yes, let's do this!" and both the seperatists walked off, beginning their journey to Brussels.
Meanwhile, Tom Dice, Sarina and Witloof Bay were still standing in the forest, wondering what they should do next.
"Brussels, anyone?" Sarina asked, "Besides, it's what you want Tom, to stay in Flanders. Brussels is in Flanders."
"Only technically," Tom said, "But yes, we probably should go there if it is the sanctuary that everyone has been saying it is."
"Well, that settles it then!" RoxorLoops said, "We're off to Brussels!"
Meanwhile, a Flemish seperatist stood outside a shop in Brussels, holding a machine gun. He was here to get rid of all the Wallonians inside. Unfortunately, Brussels was not the haven that it had been described as on the Wallonian news. The Flemish in Brussels hated the Walloons even more than Flemings from outside the city, and wanted nothing more than to rid Brussels of Walloons.
The seperatist stepped inside the shop. Other Flemish seperatists would be going into the other shops and doing exactly the same thing he would be doing.
He looked around, he was holding his machine gun, the Flemings and the Walloons by now had all turned to look at him.
"Now then," the seperatist said, looking at the people in the shop, "Time to get rid of all the fucking scumbag Walloons."
"Good," one of the Flemings in the shop said, "We were waiting for your arrival..."
By now, other Flemish seperatists had arrived, also holding guns, and they were blocking the exit from the shop.
"Hey you!" the shopkeeper, who was Wallonian, said, "You can't bring your civil war here! Brussels is a multicultural community!"
"Shut the fuck up Walloon," the seperatist said and he fired his machine gun at the shopkeeper, "Now then, I want all Walloons on the left side of the room, and all Flemings on the right side of the room."
Everyone went to the right side of the room, even the Walloons, because they knew that standing on the left side would result in them being shot.
"You lying Wallonian bastards!" the seperatist yelled, going into his pocket and getting out a shotgun, "I knew this would happen! Now we'll have a little test to see who amongst you are superior Flemings, and who are the lousy Walloons! There's a thing that we Flemish can say and you scumbag Walloons cannot, the Dutch for shield and friend, 'schild en vriend'. All who cannot pronounce this properly will be shot for being Wallonian trash."
The Walloons in the crowd where preparing for the worst.
"You there!" the seperatist aimed his machine gun at the first person in the line, "Come up here!"
The first person, a Flemish woman, came over to the seperatist.
"Now," the seperatist said, "Repeat after me. 'Schild en vriend'."
"Schild en vriend."
"Ah! You see that, superior Fleming! Sorry for troubling you, comrade. You are free to go!"
"Dank je wel, kameraad," the woman smiled and she then left the shop, the Flemings guarding the exit moving aside for her.
"Next is you," the seperatist said, "Come up here!"
A Wallonian man came forward, he looked back at the crowd sadly, he knew he would fail the test, but he would have to try.
"Now, repeat after me. 'Schild en vriend'."
"Skild een frrrr-"
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Fucking Walloon!" the seperatist yelled, as the Walloon fell to the floor screaming, "Thought you could trick me, did you? Fuck off to hell Walloon! Next, fucking next!!!"
"Schild en vriend, kameraad," a Flemish man said, stepping forward, "The rest of these lot in here are Walloons, the lot of them. Dispose of them, please. I'm sick of seeing these Walloon pieces of trash in our beautiful city."
"Hmmm... I will have to test them with the 'Schild en vriend' test first, if that's ok, comrade," the seperatist said, looking at the four remaining people who were standing there.
"Sure thing, kameraad," the Fleming smiled, before giving a glare to the four Walloons, who looked at the seperatist in despair.
The Flemings that were guarding the exit to the shop began laughing, they loved watching Walloons get shot. The seperatist aimed his gun at one of the Walloons.
"Say it, say it! Schild en vriend!"
"Skild een... skild een frrrriend..."
The gun clicked. Nothing happened.
"Damn, gotta reload," the seperatist said as he reloaded his weapon.
"Waaaait!" one of the Walloons wailed and she burst into tears, "Y...y..yes, we are Walloons, it's true, but so what? We shouldn't be shot for it! We... we-"
"Fuck off Walloon!" the seperatist yelled.
The other three Walloons tried to run away but they were shot by the other Flemish seperatists.
"Fuck off to hell Walloons!" one of the seperatists said, and then he laughed, "Hahaha, this is the most Walloons I've ever gotten in one day!"
"Ah, you must be a new recruit then," another seperatist smiled, "But don't worry, you will get more... and then... once all the Walloons are gone, we can create Greater Flanders!"
"To Greater Flanders!" the other seperatists shouted, raising their guns to show respect to Flanders.
Meanwhile, Tom Dice, Witloof Bay and Sarina were still on the way to Brussels.
"We're approaching Brussels now!" Tom smiled.
"Good," Sarina said, "This is taking ages!"
"Yeah," RoxorLoops said, "Are we there yet?"
"No," Tom said, "Obviously we're not. Just keep on the lookout for signs with 'Brussels' on it or whatever the hell the Walloons call it."
"In Wallonia we call it Bruxelles," Mathilde said.
"Eh, the streets have too many names," Entienne said, "A seperate name for each city in each language. They should agree on one name for each city."
"Yeaaaah, we're in a civil war," Sarina said, "It's not going to matter what these streets are called, they'll all be the same destroyed crap by the end of it."
"Come on guys," RoxorLoops said, "Belgium will be fine. Brussels is the capital of the EU, they won't let us fall, you guys."
"I hope not," Florence said.
Just then, Tom saw a book on the floor. It was a childrens book, it had a picture of a grey rat on the front of it, and the title said 'The Rat-Walloon'.
"Oh my, this is a very popular childrens book in Flanders..." Tom said.
"Oh, the Rat-Walloon, yeah, they used to read that to us in school," RoxorLoops said, "I hated it."
"Read it to us," Sarina said.
"Nah, you don't want to hear it, it's horrible," RoxorLoops said.
"We want to hear it Senjka!" Florence said.
"It's alright RoxorLoops, I'll read it," Tom said, and he began to read from the book, "The Rat-Walloon. One day, there was a Walloon. The Walloon was also a rat. All Walloons are rats because they are vermin. Only the Flemish can get rid of such horrid rats. One day, the evil Rat-Walloons went into glorious Flanders and tried to attack the innocent Flemish-"
"Hold on hold on a minute here," Entienne said, "This seems like thinly veiled propaganda to me!"
"That's because it is!" Tom said, looking back to the book, "Oh, where was I... oh yes, the evil Rat-Walloons went into glorious Flanders and tried to attack the innocent Flemish, but the Flemish had arranged mousetraps all over the city, which caught all the vermin Walloons! The Walloons where disposed of and Flanders was Walloon-free for ever and ever and all the Flemings lived happily ever after. The End."
"That story sucked," Sarina said.
"Yeah it did," Tom said, tossing the book back down on the floor, "But that is the most popular childrens book in Flanders! Every Fleming has that read to them."
"What about in Brussels?" Sarina asked.
"Yeah," RoxorLoops said, "In Brussels they have that book too. The Walloons tried to ban it though."
"You're weird RoxorLoops, half the time you talk as if you are a Walloon and half the time you talk as if you aren't," Sarina said.
"Meh, he's confused," Nicolas said.
"Yeah, confused cos he's hanging out with you Walloons all the time!" Tom said,
"Hey! That attitude is exactly what caused this civil war in the first place!" Sarina yelled.
"Come on you guys, stop arguing, here's a sign!" Benoit said, pointing to a sign in front of them, "Welcome to Brussels!"
The all looked up at the sign that read 'Welcome to Brussels!' in big letters. Underneath that it read 'Welkom op Brussel!'. There would have been a French translation underneath that, but it had been covered with black paint.
"Why is that French translation covered like that?" Florence asked, "That can't be a good sign, surely."
"Flemings..." Benoit said, "It must be..."
"No, no no no!" Sarina yelled, "The seperatists can't be here! The last thing I saw on the news... it said that Brussels was a safe haven... it said-"
"That was a trap..." a voice came from behind them. They looked behind them and saw someone wearing a t-shirt with the Wallonian flag on it.
"I'm from the Wallonian Resistance," he said, "And that news report you saw... it was a trap. A trap to lure Walloons here so the seperatists could get them. Seeing as you are all Walloons, you should come with us, to the Wallonian Resistance base!"
Of course, they weren't all Walloons, but no one said anything about that, unsure of what would happen to Tom and RoxorLoops if they did. And so, they followed the resistance member into a building on the outskirts of Brussels.
"Hello?! Resistance reporting in cap'n, we have more Walloons!"
The leader of the resistance came out.
"Excellent," he said, "It's good to see there are more of us out there. So... what's the 411? What's happening out there?"
"Bad news cap'n," the resistance member said, "The Flemings have advanced throughout Wallonia. The last we saw of them, they were destroyed everything. We lost all communications with Wallonia an hour ago."
"This is awful... terrible news. We must secure Wallonia if we are to succeed against the Flemish! Ah, I forgot to introduce myself to the new Walloons," the leader said, "Apologies for that. Anywho, I'm Captain Oats, the leader of the Walloon resistance."
"Hey Captain Oats, we already know who you are, it's me Sarina," Sarina said, "With Witloof Bay."
"Oooh, of course. I thought you looked familiar," Oats said, "Yes indeed, sorry about that Sarina."
"Cap'n!" a resistance member yelled, "We've lost communications with the other half of the Walloon Resistance."
"What?!" Oats yelled, "No!!!"
"Damn," Nicolas said, "What do we do now?"
"I don't know," Oats said, "There is not much we can do. This really sucks."
"Yeah, this sucks," Tom said.
"Holy shit!" Oats yelled, "A Fleming! We've got a Fleming here! Oh no no no! This is terrible news!"
"Calm down," RoxorLoops said, "It's not the end of the world-"
"Holy shit, you too?! Another Fleming?!" Oats said, "What is this, an infiltration of some sort? Guards, get your guns!"
"Wait a minute here," Sarina said, "This is insane! They're only trying to escape the civil war just like us!"
"It's their fault, little girl!" Oats yelled, "You know it is all their fault! This is all Flanders fault!"
"Come on, RoxorLoops is with Witloof Bay," Sarina said, "He's no harm to us. And Tom Dice? Nothing to worry about. I've met ladybugs more intimidating that him."
"Hey!" Tom yelled.
Just then, another resistance member ran into the room.
"Captain, Captain!" he yelled, "There's someone in the base! Here, this is the one who has snuck in! What shall we do with him Oats?"
Another person came out to them.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have been here," he said, "It's just... there were bombs going off everywhere, and this place was safe, and and-"
"Thooom!" Sarina yelled, running over to him, "Thooom it's so great to see you!"
"Who the hell is this?" Oats yelled.
"This is Thooom," Sarina said, "He was going to be in the Belgian Preselection with us, but his song 'United Belgium' was disqualified. He was at the selection though, Witloof Bay met him, right guys?"
"United... Belgium?" Oats said.
"Y..yes," Thooom said, "United Belgium. That was my vision... now though... I can see... it hasn't turned out like that."
"Well no shit!" Oats yelled.
"Wait, be quiet a minute, what's that sound?" Sarina said.
They could hear outside that people were singing 'De Vlaamse Leeuw', which was the Flemish anthem.
"It's coming from outside!" Florence yelled.
"It's the Flemings! The Flemings are outside..." one of the resistance said, "They must know we're in here!"
"It must be them!" another member said, "Those two Flemings! They must have told them where we are!"
"Don't be ridiculous!" Sarina yelled, "How could they have done that? You guys have been watching us for this whole time and they haven't done anything!"
Suddenly the door of the building was kicked down and Flemish seperatists stormed into the base.
"Well, what have we here? Filthy Walloons, that's what!" a seperatist yelled, "Belgium will never be pure while we have this filth walking around our streets!"
"Round up the Walloons!" a seperatist said, "A ha ha ha ha!"
But one of the Walloon resistance held up his machine gun and started to fire at the Flemings.
"Witloof Bay!" Oats yelled, "Run!"
And so they all ran off into another room.
"Get them!" a seperatist yelled and a load of seperatists ran after Witloof Bay.
"Hey, wait a minute... that guy said 'Witloof Bay'. This is Witloof Bay!" one of the seperatists yelled, looking at Witloof Bay.
"Witloof what? What's that?!" another seperatist said.
"You know, that Eurovision band! A-ha! We have Witloof Bay! Finally! At least we won't be represented in Eurovision by these vile Walloons!"
"We should show this to the fans of that pathetic Eurovision Song Contest. Their execution should be broadcast to the channels of the world!" another seperatist said.
"They've got two Flemings as well, you know," a seperatist said, looking at Tom and RoxorLoops, "I heard Witloof Bay had a Fleming. Also, that is Tom Dice, who is supposed to be a Fleming, but instead we find him here, hanging out with filthy Walloons!"
"Ach, race traitors make me sick," another seperatist said, "Actually, I've never seen any race traitors before, these are the first. Ah well, they can be executed with their beloved 'Witloof Bay'. Ahahahahahah!"
"And they are all in Witloof Bay, yes?"
"Yeah, I think they are. And Tom Dice of course."
"There's a lot of them..." a seperatist said, "Almost makes me think that some of them aren't in Witloof Bay... doesn't matter anyway, they will all be shot for being vile Walloons and we will also shoot those two Walloon-lovers."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Right then, take them to the lorry, drive them to the Wallonian jail, we can do the broadcast from there."
"Excellent, damn, I can't wait to broadcast this to the fans of that pathetic Eurovision Song Contest."
And so a seperatist got out a gun.
"Now then, you're going where we tell you too," he said, and they were lead into the back of a lorry, the door of the lorry was locked and they were driven away.
Witloof Bay, Tom Dice, Thooom and Sarina were now in Wallonia and had now been put into a huge jail cell together.
A Flemish seperatist locked the cell.
"Ahahahaha," the seperatist laughed, "We will come back and execute you later, right after we get the equipment so that we can broadcast it! Hahahaha!"
And then the seperatist walked off.
"Jail? Us?! Execute?!" Mathilde yelled, "This is awful! We've never done anything wrong!"
Tom Dice just laid back on one of the benches that was in the cell.
"Hey, I thought RoxorLoops could pass himself off as a Walloon," Tom said, "Doesn't he speak French? That's what I heard."
"Yeah, but Senjka of course has a Flemish accent," Entienne said, "Just like you. That's why they knew you two were Flemings."
"Oh no," Florence said, "What are we going to do now?!"
"Don't worry guys," RoxorLoops said, "I'm not one to brag but I'm one of the best beatboxers in the world, you know. I'll go and make a fire alarm sound."
And sure enough, he made a sound that sounded just like the standard Belgian fire alarm sounds.
"I don't even know how you do that," Entienne said, and suddenly, Flemish seperatists ran past the jail cell.
"You can all burn in hell, lousy Walloons! We're going to leave you bastards in the fire!" one of them yelled as all the seperatists ran out of the jail building.
"Well, that worked," Sarina said.
"Sooo... how do we get out of here now?" Tom asked.
"Oh... yeah," RoxorLoops said, "I didn't think of that."
"What do you mean you didn't think of that?!" Tom yelled, "God damn it!"
"Well... this plan hasn't gone very well," Sarina said, "Damn, this civil war sucks."
-Meanwhile in Paris, France-
"God damn it! What the hell?"
Patricia Kaas was sitting in the cafe, reading the newspaper, and was so shocked that she yelled aloud.
"Is there a problem here Patricia?" Sebastien Tellier said, coming over to her table, "Amaury's not still complaining about us 'stalking' him is he?"
"No no," Patricia said, "It's nothing to do with that at all. It's Belgium..."
"Yeah... the situation has really escalated there. Flanders and Wallonia are at war now... and the Netherlands are helping Flanders... no one is helping Wallonia though. Sarkozy made a statement today saying that France is to remain neutral over the Belgium Civil War. The king of Belgium has abdicated, and there are some truly horrible stories coming from Wallonia. It's a massacre over there."
"What? That doesn't make any sense! Why can't Flanders just leave them alone?!"
At that moment, Amaury came into the cafe.
"What the hell, have you lot been waiting for me in here or something?" Amaury said, before realising something was wrong, "Hey, what's wrong you guys?"
"It's Belgium..." Patricia said, "They're having a civil war!"
"Oh well, I knew about that already," Amaury looked down at the floor, "But that's nothing special... everyone could see this was going to happen. Even two months ago... everyone knew..."
"But Amaury... it's much worse than that! They're killing all the Walloons... this isn't about seperation any more! It's a genocide!"
Suddenly, they heard a noise from behind them.
They all looked to the corner of the cafe, to where the noise was coming from, from a TV that was sitting on a table.
The news was on, showing pictures of Wallonia, all bombed out and destroyed. There was rubble everywhere. A news reporter was standing in the middle of the bombed out street.
"It's very hard to get journalists here in Wallonia," the news reporter said, "Especially we French journalists, as we could be accused of being Walloons and shot. This is what has been happening to all Walloons here. The borders are surrounded by Flemish seperatists... they only let through a handful of journalists to report on what they call 'Flemish victory'. I know there are a lot of Eurovision fans watching right now, who are worried about the fate of the mostly Walloon band Witloof Bay. We tried to contact them about the whereabouts of Witloof Bay and received this message from the leader of the Flemish seperatists."
A man in an army uniform popped up on the screen. On his uniform he had a small Flemish flag.
"Witloof Bay are currently in a jail cell. The Flemish guards situated there will shoot them later, for the crime of being Walloons!"
"This is horrible!" Patricia yelled, "What are we going to do?!"
At that moment Jessy Matador also came into the cafe.
"Hey guys," Jessy said, "Wow, you sure all look depressed."
"Yeah," Patricia said, "It's Belgium. They're having a civil war!"
"What? A civil war? In Belgium? Damn," Jessy said, "But still, it's not like we didn't see it coming. Everyone's known for a while. Remember what happened to the 3Js?"
"Yeah, that was awful," Patricia said, "But still, I didn't think Belgium would actually go through with it."
"You know what the Flemish are like," Sebastien said, "They'll stop at nothing until Wallonia is destroyed!"
"But they're going to shoot Witloof Bay!" Patricia yelled, "And there's nothing we can do about it!"
"There... there may be something we can do about it..." Amaury said, "You three, come with me..."
"What... what is it?" Patricia asked.
"I have to show you..." Amaury smiled, and the three of them followed Amaury out of the cafe and down the road, until they got to a train station.
"Where are we going?" Jessy asked.
"To a secret government place," Amaury said, "I've known about it for ages. It has something there that could be used to help your friends 'Witloof Bay'."
And so they followed Amaury onto a train and the train drove off.
Meanwhile, in a secret government place not far from the Belgian border, a giant robotic spider watched as the iron shutters closed down, leaving the spider in the darkened room, all alone.
It reflected over the past week or so, it had been a wonderful time for the spider. It had loomed over the city, which had skyscrapers almost touching the clouds. It remembered the image of crowds of people cheering and clapping, how they screamed in delight as it shot water up into the sky, and cheering again when it fell on the ground, leaving a puddle in front of them. But all that was over now.
The spider was awoken from its thoughts as the iron shutters gave one last bang, and the government officials outside walked away from the building. It looked around. The building was a strange place, and the spider was unsure what the people were planning to do next.
Suddenly, a bright blue light appeared in front of him, and, when it faded, Aslan, the great lion, was standing there.
"Wha-" the spider said, "Who... who are you?!"
"I am Aslan, the great lion of Narnia."
"Why am I locked away here? They said I was going in for some repairs."
"Ha! There won't be any repairs, you're locked away here forever, I'm afraid. But, I can set you free, we can leave this universe and you can come with me to Aslan's Country, a paradise in the sky. But, you have to do something for me first."
"What? What is that? What do you want?"
"There is a certain song contest called the Eurovision, you don't need to know anything about it, but there are a band performing this year called Witloof Bay. They are one of my favourites, in fact. However, there is a civil war in Belgium. Now, Amaury Vassili will be here soon, and he is going to take you to Belgium to get them. Once you bring Witloof Bay into France, you can come with me."
"But... can they really escape into France?! Is it possible?"
"Yes, you will help them. Amaury Vassili will be here soon, just do as he says, ok?" Aslan asked.
"Ok," the spider replied, and with that, Aslan disappeared in a puff of blue smoke, which faded quickly.
Suddenly, the iron shutters opened again, and Amaury stepped into the building.
"Well, here it is! This is La Machine!" Amaury yelled, and his three friends also came into the building with him.
"What the hell is that?" Patricia asked.
"A robotic spider," Amaury replied, "We used it to put on shows in England, and to build good relations between Britain and France. But the government have no use for it now. But, if we can get into Belgium... I have a feeling I know which jail cell they are in. They are probably in the huge Belgian jail in Wallonia. I know for a fact they are keeping Walloons there... look, we can take the spider into Wallonia and get them out of jail! It'll be easy, I promise!"
"Well..." Jessy began.
"Look, you guys want Witloof Bay in the Eurovision, right?" Amaury asked.
"Why do you want to help them so badly?" Sebastien said, "They'll be competition for you in the Eurovision!"
"Ha, I want to help because I'm a nice guy," Amaury smiled, "Besides, I've heard their song, they're no competition for me."
"Oh, is that so?" Jessy said, "Eh, whatever, come on you guys, let's take this to Wallonia before it's too late!"
"You guys are right!" Amaury said, "Sorry for the delay," Amaury looked up at the spider, "La Machine? We need to go to Wallonia!"
The spider looked down at Amaury.
"Ok," the spider replied in a robotic voice, "Setting co-ordinates to: Wallonia, Belgium."
The robot spider had a large basket on it's back, which was used to carry people in.
"Well, I guess if I want to bring Witloof Bay back with me, I'll have to be doing this adventure on my own..." Amaury said, as the spider lowered itself to the ground and Amaury got into the basket.
"Amary! No! You can't go into a war zone by yourself!" Jessy said.
"Ha, but I won't be by myself, I'll have La Machine," Amaury smiled, "Besides, if I bring all of you there will not be enough room in the basket for Witloof Bay, and the journey to Wallonia will have been for nothing!"
"Ok..." Patricia sighed, "Just be careful, ok?"
"Oh, you don't have to worry about me," Amaury smiled, "I'll be fine. Adios!"
"Good luck!" Sebastien said, as the spider walked out of the building.
The spider scanned the area for any police or government officials that may have been lurking about, but there wasn't any around.
"I hope this will go well," Amaury said to himself, as the spider went over the grassy hills and in the direction of Wallonia.
An hour later, Witloof Bay were still in the cell with Tom Dice, Thooom and Sarina.
Suddenly, they heard a crash as a large robotic spider ran into the building again and again, until it broke the wall down.
Amaury was standing outside and he came in through the hole that the spider had left.
"What... what's going on?!" RoxorLoops asked, "Who are you?"
"I am Amaury Vassili, the French Eurovision entrant!" Amaury smiled, "And I am here to help you, Witloof Bay, from the Belgian Civil War!"
"What's that thing?!" Nicolas asked, pointing to the spider.
"Oh, this is La Machine," Amaury smiled, "The robotic spider. La Machine, break down this cell!"
"Ok," the spider said and so it bent down and ate the padlock that was on the cell door and the door swung wide open.
"Excellent work," Amaury smiled, "Now hurry Belgians! Come with me!"
And so they all ran out of the jail building through the hole the spider had made upon entering, running down long and twisted roads that went through empty streets, until they stopped on a hill. A sign nearby read 'Welcome To Wallonia', they could see that even though there was now orange graffiti all over the sign, reading 'Walen buiten' over and over.
They all stood there on the hill, looking down at what remained of Wallonia. No people walked on these bombed out streets, the buildings had been reduced to rubble, and there was a thin layer of smoke floating in the wind.
"Wha... what the fuck have you people done!" Benoit yelled as he flung himself to the ground. Everyone else was too shocked to speak.
"W...Wallonia..." Thooom said, "No...."
"This is truly a nightmare for Belgium..." Amaury said, "But now we must go... and leave this nightmare behind."
Amaury looked down at them from the basket on the robotic spiders back.
"La Machine!" Amaury said, "Lower your back so everyone can get on!"
"We... we... are we just going to leave Belgium like this?!" Sarina said.
"There is no other choice, Belgian," Amaury said, "There is nothing we can do here in Belgium while the Civil War is going on. There is nothing we can do to make it stop. You all must come with me."
And so they all got into the spider's basket with Amaury.
"This basket is heavy now!" La Machine said.
"Sorry spidey," Amaury said, "I didn't realise there would be so many. You are all in Witloof Bay, yes?"
"No, not exactly," Tom said, "I'm Tom Dice, Belgium's entrant last year. We also have Sarina and Thooom from the preselections with us."
"That's nice," Amaury said, "You guys can come with us too."
"Wait," RoxorLoops said, "Were you sent here to rescue us?!"
"I wasn't sent, my Belgian friend, I came here of my own volition!" Amaury said.
"Thank you Amaury," Sarina smiled.
"You're welcome, little Belgian. Anyway, I have kept you all waiting long enough. To France!" Amaury said, and the spider started to walk back to France.
It was a few hours later, and Patricia, Sebastien and Jessy were walking around a little forest on the outskirts of Paris.
"Where do you think Amaury could be?" Jessy said, "He said he would be back soon..."
"Remember that he has to get into Belgium... isn't the border being guarded?" Patricia said.
"No, no," Sebastien said, "I was just listening to the radio, the Flemish guards have now left the border, they've gone to get rid of more Walloons... it's not like there's any left to cross the border anyway."
"Well then... what about Witloof Bay?!" Jessy said, "If there's no Walloons left, what happens now?!"
"They'll be fine," Patricia said, "I'm sure they'll be fine. We have to trust in Amaury, you guys!"
And soon enough, they heard the clacking of metallic feet.
"Amaury!" Patricia yelled.
"Yes, it is I," Amaury smiled, as the spider emerged from behind the trees, "And I bring to you: Witloof Bay!"
The spider lowered its back and everyone who was in the basket got out.
"Witloof Bay!" Patricia yelled, "Amaury, you did it!"
"I certainly did! It was easy enough," Amaury said.
"Thanks Amaury," said RoxorLoops, "You're the best!"
"Ah, no thanks are necessary Belgian. Now then, La Machine, can I trust you to walk back to the government base?" Amaury asked.
"You sure can," the spider said, before turning and running off into the forest.
"That thing better go back into the government base where it belongs," Patricia said, "Otherwise we'll have a robot spider running around France."
"Ah, it'll be fine," Amaury said, "It'll go back to the base like a good robot spider."
The robotic spider kept running through the forest, and, when the spider was far away from them, the familiar blue light appeared and Aslan appeared once again.
"La Machine," Aslan smiled, "You did it. You saved Witloof Bay. Thank you. Ok then, you kept up your end of the deal, it is time for us to go home."
"Thank you Aslan," the robotic spider said, as there was another flash of blue light and Aslan and La Machine both teleported to Aslan's Country.
Aslan and La Machine were now standing in the middle of Aslan's Country.
La Machine was amazed, he loved how beautiful the place was. He immeadiatly wanted to spent every day here for eternity. And of course, he would be able to.
Reepicheep was nearby and he ran over to them.
"Aslan!" Reepicheep said, "What the heck is that?"
"Now, that's no way to greet our new friend, is it? He is a spider, Reepicheep, a robotic spider," Aslan smiled, "His name is La Machine. France built him."
"This place sure is nice," the spider said, looking around at Aslan's Country, "It's beautiful."
"That's... great Aslan, but why have you brought him here?" Reepicheep asked.
"He saved Witloof Bay, Belgium's Eurovision-"
"Eurovision?!" Reepicheep yelled, "God damn it Aslan, you're becoming obsessed with that damn thing!"
"Sha la lie, sha la la," Aslan smirked.
"Oh shut it Aslan," Reepicheep laughed.
"You'll probably like France's entry this year, actually," Aslan smiled, "You like classical stuff."
"Yeah well, we'll see," Reepicheep smiled, "Now, it's time for you to stop talking about the Eurovision! I'm so sick of hearing about it all day long!"
"Come on Reepicheep," Aslan smiled, "You'll grow to love it eventually. Everyone always does."
"Not this mouse, nu-uh!" Reepicheep said.
"Well... we'll see about that," Aslan smiled, "We'll see about that."
--One day later--
The sun set over Belgium, but it was not peaceful there any more. The King, the Mayor and Helmut Lotti were now all in Britain, Terry Wogan, the leader of Britain, had granted them all asylum there. Witloof Bay, Tom Dice, Thooom and Sarina were now in France, and they told the people many stories about their time during the Belgium Civil War. The civil war was still ongoing, and images of the war torn streets of Wallonia filled the news in all the countries of the world.
Wallonia had been ripped apart by the civil war violence. Flemish seperatists were going into Wallonian villages and shooting people indiscriminately. No communications had come out of Wallonia, all images of the civil war were sent by Flanders. The seperatists sent images of destroyed Wallonian towns to the news stations of the world. It was clear that they were bragging about having destroyed Wallonia. Flanders was enjoying this.
--Two days later--
An emergency meeting had been called. The leaders of France, Britain and Germany were gathered around a table, discussing what to do about the issue of Belgium.
"Something must be done about the current situation in Belgium..." said Angela Merkel, looking down at the table at photos of the destroyed cities of Wallonia.
"Yeah!" said Guido Westerwelle, "I agree with Merkel!"
"You always agree with Merkel!" said Nicolas Sarkozy, "Why don't you try getting your own opinion?!"
"Why don't you try getting one first?!" Guido yelled.
"People please!" Merkel said, "This isn't bringing us any closer to the issue!"
Terry Wogan simply looked up.
"Here is the issue... Belgium. You've seen the devastation these people have done," he said finally, "They should be dealt with. Dealt with by any means necessary. I call for the bombing of Flanders by all civilised nations."
"Wha...what?" Sarkozy yelled, "You can't just-"
"Mr. Wogan is right..." Merkel sighed, "This must be done. We cannot allow this genocide of the Wallonian people to go on any longer. It is ridiculous that this has been allowed to get to the level of violence that it has done."
"But... but what about the Netherlands? What if they object?!" Sarkozy yelled.
"Oh, they won't object," Terry smiled, "Or they will get bombed too."
"Makes sense," said Merkel, "But aren't we going to use the barrier that PokeTech used around America to solve this problem?"
"Yes, now that is a great idea..." Terry said, "All of Belgium should be sealed off using the barrier technology of PokeTech and Yusaki. In fact, how about a change of plans, we don't even need to use any bombs, just leave Belgium as it is. They won't be a problem any more because they will all be inside the bubble."
"Fine," Merkel said, "That saves us money on bombs if we don't have to use any. Now, release the barrier!"
"I've been waiting for a while to test this," Terry Wogan smiled, as he pulled out a remote and pressed a button on it and a barrier was released around Belgium.
"Most excellent, most excellent!" Sarkozy said, "I don't know how there were ever problems with Britain!"
"Ah you see, you just assumed my leadership was bad because we are a dictatorship," Terry smiled, "And now onto the other issue. Brussels is sealed in the barrier with the rest of Belgium, so the EU needs a new capital. I was thinking London."
"I was also thinking London!" Westerwelle yelled.
"Yes!" Sarkozy said, "We still must apologise for that abhorrent Call of Duty one of our game companies made, so yes Britain, you can be the new capital of the EU."
"Thank you," Terry smiled, "I am honoured."
"This is indeed a great idea," Merkel said, "And we must apologise too for believing those lousy Dutch over you guys, but really, that was Austria's fault. And... Terry, you were right. You were right about the Belgian Civil War. You were right about a lot of things..."
"Yes," Terry said, "But that doesn't matter now."
Soon after, the meeting ended.
The barrier around Belgium confined everything, no one could leave Belgium now. Terry Wogan was pleased, London would now be the capital of the EU, and he hadn't even had to do anything to achieve it.
It was now a week since the barrier had been released around Belgium. Amaury and Patricia were sitting on a bench in a park in France.
"So, is this how it is?!" Patricia yelled, "Is this was how they solve problems these days... if you can't face it, seal it away? Oh god, poor Belgium!"
"Look, Patricia," Amaury said, "There's nothing that can be done. I'm afraid that the Belgians simply cannot act civilised. If they hadn't been sealed away, then their violence could have spread! You know the Flemish seperatists wanted to create Greater Flanders... what if they decided to expand out of Belgium? What if they thought France was a good place for them to expand into? We are not so different than the Walloons, what if they wanted to get rid of us as well?"
"But that's just it, isn't it?" Patricia said, "If Belgium attacked us we'd beat the crap out of them... but they only attacked themselves... so no one cares."
"Well, that's just the sad truth," Amaury said, "No one cares about Belgium. I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault... I just wish... there was a better way to deal with this."
"We all do. We all do."
"Hey guys," a voice said, it was Sebastien Tellier, "Did you hear Clac et les Portes also escaped into France?"
"No, I didn't hear that, who are they?" Patricia asked.
"From the Belgian selection, I heard we have Telex here now too."
"Oh god," Amaury said, "Telex? They were dreadful!"
"Ha, they were... and uh... I think a few other Walloons escaped to here to... but not that many," Sebastien said, "Where are Witloof Bay anyway?"
"Ah, they're in Paris town center, I think they're telling the journalists about what happened in the Belgian Civil War," Amaury said, "Where's Jessy?"
"I... I have no idea," Sebastien said, "He's probably with Witloof Bay in the town center, that's where I last saw him."
"Gee, I just hope this Belgian Civil War comes to an end soon..." Patricia said.
"We all wish for that," Amaury said, looking up into the sky, looking at the moon glowing bright and the stars shining in the sky. It was strange that a world so peaceful could at the same time be so destructive.