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A Trip To Moscow Mall


Peter Nalitch was walking through the snowy streets of Moscow. Pidgeons were perched on buildings above, sensing that the commotion below was no place for small birds like themselves. It was a busy night, but then, all nights were busy for the capital of Russia.
It seemed as if the streets were always full of people these days. Now that the Americans only had a say in a virtual world that was so disconnected from the real one, Russia had become a world superpower of sorts, bringing lots of tourism into Moscow. Eastern Europe, too, felt the benefit of having Russia as a world superpower.
"Peter? Is that you? Peter?!" a voice shouted from behind him.
He turned to see someone running up to him. It was Sofia Nizharadze, running through the long, brick-paved streets.
"Sofia?" Peter called, "Hey, Sofia! It's good to see you again!"
"Same here," Sofia smiled, "What a weird coincidence running into you!"
"You know," Peter said, "I never got the chance to really talk to you in the Pokemon thing or even during the contest."
"That's ok," said Sofia, "We can talk now."
And so they went to a busy Cafe in Moscow.
"You didn't talk so much before, you know?" Peter said.
"Ah, yes, they were arguing so much I didn't want to say anything," Sofia admitted, "They were acting like little kids, you know?"
"The arguing was irriating, all the time. Especially with Juliana."
"I didn't want to say anything to them. But yeah, it was annoying."
"It would be like us two, having some sort of weird Russia-Georgia argument. I mean, all that inter-Balkan arguing for the whole time we were there... jesus..."
"Man, we sure had fun though."
"Yeah, but there were only a few annoying people. Weren't there like people from every country in Europe there?"
"I think so," Peter said, "Maybe not Hungary or the Czech Republic... but... other than that, yeah."
"Ah, I know Czesy, she's from Hungary," Sofia said, "She's coming to Russia in a bit. She said to me how exited she was when she heard the news about the whole Pokemon thing."
"Yeah, that was great. And we're international superstars now," Peter smiled, leaning back on his chair.
"Indeed," Sofia replied.
Sofia sat up in her chair.
"Hey I know, you know what we should do..." said Sofia at last, "Just something fun, anything. When I saw you, well, me and some other people had something planned... and..."
"Well...?"
"Did you see on the news, those people who went to Moscow Mall with super soakers to break the world record?"
"Yeah," Peter said, "I saw that, those people got arrested."
"Why don't we get super soakers and go to Moscow Mall!" Sofia ignored him.
"And um... why would we be going to Moscow Mall with super soakers? To break that ridiculous world record?"
"To spray water at everyone silly! And break the world record! It doesn't matter if you're not with us, we've had this planned for weeks, come on! The world record!" Sofia laughed.
"Ah Sophia, um... you know we could get in trouble doing something ridiculous like that. Like those other people did."
"I know the police here in Russia are more relaxed about these sorts of things, come on, it'll be fun! I did the same back in Georgia with Czesy and Alyosha."
"I highly doubt you did."
"Yeah, you're right. We went up to the shop with our supersoakers but it was closed. But we were going to do it, that's what counts!"
"Riiight..." Peter said sarcastically.
"But now, we have a chance to do it!" Sofia continued, "Now we can go into the mall-"
"Woah woah woah, come on Sofia, why this sudden obsession with malls and super soakers?"
"I've told you already, we wanted to beat the world record for shooting the most people with a water gun in an enclosed space."
"Sofia that's a terrible idea."
"But Peter... the world record..."
"Sofia... you already have a world record for 'the world's most stupid idea'. And it's that one. So stop it."
"Come on... pleaaase.... you'll have your name in the Guiness World Records! We're famous and loved by everyone, so we can get away with anything!"
"You called the others childish when you are the most childish yourself!" Peter said, "Sorry Sofia, but..."
"Come on...."
"Sophia, you crazy Georgian, I can't go along with this, it's weird, and you know, we used to follow some other crazy Georgian once..."
"And who would you be alluding to there, Peter?"
"Oh, you know, just a general statement," Peter leaned back in his chair.
"No no, did you just compare me to Stalin?"
"No... ah... maybe... I'm sorry..."
"No Peter!" Sofia smiled, "That's no good as an apology. You must now come to Moscow Mall with me, and-"
"Sofia no," Peter said, "Just point blank, no. Never. Not in a million years."
Suddenly, the door on the cafe opened and two women ran in, holding super soakers. It was Czesy and Alyosha.
"Heeey!" Alyosha yelled, "Are you coming Sofia? The security guards in Moscow Mall are all gone, and we had Czesy here disable all the CCTV!"
"Yeah!" Czesy said, "There'll be no proof we were even ever there! Come on, time to go!"
"So, you coming Peter?" Sofia said, getting up from her seat.
"I... uhm...." Peter said, "No."
"This guy just compared me to Stalin, you know," Sofia said.
"What?" Czesy said, "Why? Because you're Georgian?"
"You know what, why not?" Peter stood up from his chair, "If you're going to be like that, then sure, I'll go on your ridiculous little trip. Just don't come crying to me when it all falls through the roof."
"Now that's the spirit!" Sofia beamed, "Well... sort of."
"Come on you three," Alyosha said, "It's time to go to Moscow Mall, it's just getting dark, that's the perfect time to go!"
"Great!" Czesy smiled, as they all left the cafe together.
----
They were now standing outside Moscow Mall. Czesy had brought two more super soakers, one for Sofia, and a spare one, which was given to Peter.
"Remember, these are the most powerful super soakers there are," Czesy said, "So enjoy the moment, and don't waste all your water in one go!"
"This is going to be awesome!" Alyosha laughed, as they all raced inside the mall and started spraying everyone with super soakers.
"Hey, what the hell are you doing?!" yelled some man who was picking up some bread.
"Alright guys," Sofia said, "Me and Peter will soak the bread aisle. Alyosha and Czesy, you can do the milk aisle. I know that's a favourite of yours. If anything goes wrong, contact us on the walkie talkies!"
And Sofia threw a walkie talkie over to Alyosha, who easily caught it.
"Alright!" Czesy shouted, as she and Alyosha ran down the milk aisle and started spraying everyone with the super soakers.
Peter and Sofia ran down the bread aisle, spraying bread down from the shelves.
"You kids should learn some manners!" shouted some old woman with a shopping bag.
But Sofia and Peter just laughed.
"This is not funny you disrespectful hooligans!" the woman shouted, but still they laughed.
"Disrespect this," said Peter, holding up the super soaker and blasting water at the old woman.
"Hahahahahhaa," they all laughed as the woman stormed off angrily.
"Well that was fun," Sofia smiled, "See Peter? I told you you'd like it! And now, to water the vegetables!"
Sofia aimed her super soaker to the vegetable rack and shot water into it.
"Hahahahahahah!"
"Man this is awesome, how come we've never tried this before?" Peter said as he sprayed some passersby with water.
"Hahahahahaha!"
Peter laughed as he turned his super soaker and sprayed the chef who was baking bread with it.
"Peter no!" Sofia gasped.
Peter stopped spraying.
"What? What's wrong?" he said.
"The baker... no, not the baker," Sofia said, "Peter, run!"
The baker looked up and glared at Peter, then, he reached for the handle of a nearby meat cleaver.
"No no no, wait," Peter said, "This is just a misunderstanding, let's put that down-"
"You fucking Russian twat," said the baker, who spoke with a British accent, "You fucking want to mess with me? Do you?"
Peter and Sofia then ran down the bread aisle, away from the baker, and ran straight into Czesy and Alyosha, who were laughing as they sprayed water all over the place.
"Hey you two!" Alyosha said, "Watch where you're going!"
"It's the baker!" Sofia said, "Peter sprayed him!"
"What?!" Czesy yelled, "You should have told him not to do that!"
"I know, I know," Sofia looked down at the floor, "I'm sorry."
"We should probably get out of here..." Alyosha said quietly.
Suddenly, the old woman who Peter sprayed before was leading the baker to where they were.
"That's him!" the old woman yelled, "Get him!"
"I'll get that fucking cunt!" the baker yelled, as the four of them ran around the shop.
"This shop is like a fucking maze!" Peter yelled, "How do we get out of here!?"
"Alright, alright, calm down," Sofia said, "I know the way, follow me!"
And Sofia led them to the entrance of the mall.
They all ran across the car park, dodging cars on the way and ran up the grassy hill, they then hid behind some bushes and looked down at the mall.
The baker then came out of the mall, looking both ways, and, seeing no one, angrily stormed back inside the shopping mall.
"That was... a lucky escape," Peter said, handing his super soaker back to Czesy.
"Yeah, we must have been a funny sight, running across the car park with super soakers," Alyosha giggled.
"I guess so, but luckily for us, no one saw us," Czesy said.
"Good thing that baker didn't get us," Sofia said.
"Lucky, also how in the hell did you disable the CCTV Czesy?" Peter asked.
"Ah well, I know Yuri Tsaler is the most proficient hacker in your parts, but back in Hungary there's a few of us who can do the sorts he does." Czesy smiled.
"She didn't hack it, you know," Alyosha interrupted, "The main circuit board for the cameras is outside, she just sprayed water onto it."
"Quiet you," Czesy laughed.
"Come on," Alyosha giggled, "You know it's true."
"Well," Czesy was now writing in a little notepad that she had brought in her pocket, "I've just added up the figures, and, it seems we haven't broken the world record. By the way that is your fault, Russian."
Peter looked down at the floor.
"Ah just kidding," Czesy said, "It was Sofia's fault for not telling you about the baker. He's a violent bastard."
"That's true. One question though, how can I ever show up in Moscow Mall again?" Peter asked, "You know, without that baker guy beating the crap out of me?"
"Ah, it's alright," Sofia said, "That's just some transfer chef from Britain. He'll be gone tommorow, you won't see him ever again."
"Well thank god for that," Peter smiled, as they all stood on the hill and looked down at Moscow Mall.
----
It was a few weeks later now, and Peter was sitting watching the news.
"The culprits of the Moscow Mall mass-soaking have still not been found!" the news reporter said, "And now, the police chief reports, that they probably never will be."
The television then showed a police officer interviewing the baker.
"I dunno," the baker said in a heavy British accent, "Dunno what he looked like. Some Russian twat soakin' up the place, chaps. I bet it was your fault, I fucking hate Russians!"
And then the baker tried to attack one of the police officers but was grabbed by the other officers nearby.
"Fucking Russia!" the baker said as he was carted away by police.
"This chef was later arrested and deported back to Britain. He is now facing charges of attempting to assault an officer," the news reporter said, "Police are now calling off the search for the Moscow Mall soakers, as police have deemed it a waste of time and money to continue searching for them."
Peter smiled as he watched it.
Suddenly, his phone rang, and he answered it.
"Hello, who is this?" he asked.
"It's me, Sofia," Sofia answered, "Are you watching the news?"
"Yeah, it's pretty awesome."
"And that baker who threatened you is probably going to jail, how cool is that!"
"It feels good, I'll tell you that," Peter laughed.
"Well," Sofia said, "Alyosha and Czesy were certainly pleased when I spoke to them. We may not have beaten the world record, but, we had one hell of a time."
"I think you three enjoyed that far more than I did," Peter laughed, "You silly rebels."
"Ah, we did enjoy it, thanks Peter, you're an awesome guy."
"Hahahaha, thank you too Sofia, actually no, you sucked me into your weird plan. No thanks for you."
Peter laughed.
"It's ok now though, right? We learned a lesson and no one will be any the wiser." Sofia said.
"I guess you're right," Peter said, "I suppose it was pretty funny and there were no consequences so I guess everything turned out alright."
"It sure did. Well, goodbye Peter, I'll phone you again later when this comes onto the news again."
"Sure thing Sophia. Bye!"
"Bye!"
And so Peter put down the phone and continued watching television.
And then, he laughed again.
The End.